It’s almost impossible to move through the world today without hearing or thinking about race. Whether it’s on cable TV news, social media, or in local elections, we’re constantly reminded of the toll that systemic racism has taken on our country.
These concerns are obviously legitimate and justified. From the destruction of the Black family and its impact on education and employment, to disproportionate rates of crime and incarceration, to inequities in health and medical care, we can’t ignore the legacy of slavery in America and its pernicious effects on our community.
Yet the relentless focus on race has had an ironic and unintended consequence: it’s undermining our efforts to achieve racial equality.
When we’re compelled to see ourselves as either the beneficiaries of systemic racism or its victims, we succumb to an “us vs. them” mentality. If we’re black, we become convinced that the color of our skin defines who we are and guarantees our failure. We find ourselves angry, resentful, and fearful. If we’re white, we become convinced that our privilege has gifted us with undeserved bounty, and that we’re hard-wired to discriminate against people of color. We feel shame, guilt, and self-loathing.
We no longer embrace Martin Luther King Jr.’s vision of an America in which all races connect with each other, communicate with each other, and learn from each other. We no longer dream of a day when the sons and daughters of slaves will sit beside the sons and daughters of slaveowners.
Instead, we’re encouraged to separate ourselves from each other and break into “affinity groups” so we can be around people who look like us. We’re taught to resent anyone with “privilege,” regardless of their intentions, whether or not they’ve mistreated us. Rather than building bridges, we’re erecting barriers. Our racial discourse isn’t progressive; it’s regressive.
So, why does this matter?
Because this is how America’s next generation — the people who will lead our country into the future — are being taught to see each themselves and each other. And this regressive mindset should concern parents who are committed to raising healthy, confident, and secure children of any color.
Admittedly, my perspective is somewhat unique because of my background. I am Black, my partner of 17 years is white, and our 14-year old son is biracial. We’ve struggled to counter the narrative that one of his mothers — who has cared for him his entire life and given him unconditional love — is the beneficiary of systemic racism that oppresses him. Can you imagine the damage this messaging does to a young mind?
My perspective is also informed by my experience. Twelve years ago, I moved with my family to Montana, a state that’s 90% white and Republican. As California transplants, many of our friends and family were concerned that we would not be welcomed in a “red” state. We were warned of neighbors who might be white supremacists, and at least one black friend refuses to visit us because he feels unsafe around white people with a penchant for firearms (gun ownership in Montana is among the highest in the nation).
But my experience in Big Sky has defied their expectations. I’ve learned that our “divided” America isn’t nearly as divided as we’re led to believe.
The people I was primed to fear haven’t treated us like outsiders; instead, they’ve shown us kindness, respect, and even love. They’ve helped us wrangle livestock and recover from windstorms. We’ve traveled with them to soccer games, and we’ve knocked on doors together at Halloween. Our son has forged bonds with boys who treat him like a brother. More often than not, we connect with each other — not just because we love the untamed wilderness and delight in the sound of Canada geese soaring overhead — but because we have the same “big picture” concerns:
- Inflation that’s making it harder for us to take care of our families.
- A fentanyl crisis that’s destroying a generation of young people.
- An epidemic of homelessness that’s creeping into own rural community.
- The billions of dollars we’re sending to Ukraine while all of this is happening.
- Schools that are teaching our kids about sex before they’re old enough to read.
Even though we don’t share the same skin color, we understand that this is what’s pulling Black and White America into crisis. And we understand that these problems just keep getting worse, no matter who’s running our country.
This is our common struggle.
Of course, this isn’t the reality that the media present or that political pundits use to steer us to polls. They condition us to fear people who don’t look like us or share our lived experience. They want us to think that every white person is a latent supremacist and ignore the problems and challenges we all have, whether we’re Black, White, or any color in between. They expect us to believe that what separates us is more important than what we have in common.
In other words, we’re persuaded to embrace the illusion of division.
I believe the illusion of division is destructive on many levels and something that all Americans, and especially Black parents, must work to overcome. If we teach our children that immutable characteristics define them, separate them, and determine how others will treat them, they can’t create meaningful relationships with those outside their “affinity group.” We set them up for failure, not success.
The reality is that we live in a multicultural society that relies on the collective efforts of people from all races in education, employment, and government. Our children can’t actively contribute to this effort, advance their own careers, or build families if they move through the world with fear and mistrust of people who they assume will victimize, abuse, or exploit them.
The illusion of division is also dangerous because it strains relationships that Black and White Americans have worked hard to build and threatens to sabotage the progress we’ve made together. Every sound bite and “breaking news” headline decrying a nation hopelessly mired in bigotry makes us hypersensitive to race. Black children can’t help but feel like they have a target on their backs, and White children feel skittish and uncomfortable around their Black peers. This manufactured division can become a self-fulfilling prophecy because our perception of reality ultimately becomes our reality. When we see others as enemies, we’re inclined to treat them that way.
Worst of all, the illusion of division keeps our children from coming together and working hand in hand to confront the biggest problem we face now and that they will likely face in the future: the class war being waged against 99% of Americans.
It’s a war that Martin Luther King Jr. saw coming decades ago.
Toward the end of his life, King realized that while “pervasive and persistent economic want” was the root of Black misery, we were no longer its only victims. In the late 1960s, White poverty began to accelerate in Appalachia, the South, and cities in the Northeast. By 1968, there were nearly twice as many White people living in poverty as Black people. King understood that Black Americans stood no chance of advancing further in the face of the growing economic inequality taking root in the country. But he also knew we couldn’t walk the final leg on the road to equality alone. We would need help.
King begged his followers to remember what those who are relentlessly focused on race today have forgotten: the fight for equality can’t be a solo effort. Working alone, the Black community could not have galvanized the government to pass the Civil Rights Act of 1964; it needed “the weight of the aroused conscience of White America.” Black Americans didn’t alienate these potential allies with bitter slogans and rhetoric; they made them allies.
Just as we needed the help of our White brothers and sisters decades ago, our children must be open to building alliances with their White peers in the future to address economic inequality that’s become unsustainable for Americans of all races. If we don’t promote unity and cooperation, we will all pay the price.
How can we help our children overcome the illusion of division so they can tackle these “big picture” problems and build a better and stronger America? We can start by teaching them to have open hearts and minds that allow them to learn from others and share perspectives, take advantage of opportunities, and build bridges that unite our communities.
We can teach them the value of compassion and love and to see each other as friends, not enemies. We can urge them to find common ground with others, even if they don’t share our unique life experience.
We can warn them of the danger of making assumptions about people they don’t know and relying on inflammatory labels to stereotype them.
We can instill in them the importance of being color transcendent: paying attention to the things that make us unique without allowing our differences stop us from seeing what we have in common.
We can remind them that we’re all connected in profound ways, not just with each other, but with all living things on this planet; that nearly every molecule in our bodies is made from stars that died light years away, billions of years ago. How “different” from each other can we possibly be when the same energy within all of us flows through everything in the universe? We are all connected on a cosmic level.
We are one.
Above all, we can teach our children that the division they perceive isn’t real; it’s in their minds. If we can help them overcome the illusion of division, look beyond their differences, and unite to confront common challenges, our children can create the future that we all want for them and that they deserve.
Monica Harris Esq., August 21, 2023
Monica Harris is the embodiment of the American Dream. After graduating from Princeton University’s Woodrow School of Public and International Affairs and attending Harvard Law School, where she served as an editor on the Law Review alongside Barack Obama, Harris went on to a successful career as an entertainment lawyer at companies like NBC-Universal Television and Walt Disney Television. She was even named one of the Los Angeles Daily Journal’s “Top Twenty Lawyers Under the Age of 40” in 2002.
But despite her success, Harris felt a growing sense that something was wrong in the world. Disillusioned with the Hollywood lifestyle, she abandoned her career and moved her family to a small farm in Montana. There, she sought answers to the deeper questions plaguing her mind, eventually resulting in her book “The Illusion of Division.“
Now, Harris runs her own law firm in Montana and uses her experience and knowledge to challenge institutions and expose the hidden truths they obscure. She encourages others to “unplug” from the illusions that control our lives and awaken to our innate power to reclaim our freedom.